A wealth management firm hired me because their client survey results were brutal. Sixty-eight percent of respondents said they didn't read the quarterly updates. When asked why, the most common response was "too confusing."
These weren't unsophisticated readers. The average client had a portfolio over two million dollars. They understood complex topics. They just couldn't get through the firm's writing.
The Initial Assessment
I requested samples of everything they sent clients. Market commentary, investment updates, planning memos, annual reviews. Every document suffered from the same issues.
Sentences averaged 34 words. Passive voice dominated. Every other paragraph started with "It is important to note that" or similar hedging language. The writers were protecting themselves legally but losing readers completely.
One quarterly update explained a portfolio rebalancing decision in 1,200 words. I gave it to five people with finance backgrounds. None could summarize the actual decision after reading it.
What We Changed
The compliance team was the biggest obstacle. Every suggested change got flagged as potentially problematic. We needed their buy-in first.
I showed them client retention data correlated with survey responses about communication quality. Clients who said they understood the firm's communications had a 94% retention rate. Those who didn't dropped to 67%. That got attention.
We established new guidelines. Maximum sentence length: 25 words. Active voice required unless truly impossible. Every document must include a three-sentence summary at the top explaining the key decision or information.
Most importantly, we banned explaining why something might be important. If it's not obviously important to the client, we shouldn't include it.
The first rewrite took a 1,200-word rebalancing memo down to 340 words. Compliance initially rejected it. Too brief, not enough context. We tested both versions with 50 clients. The short version got read by 82%. The original: 23%.
Six Months of Results
Client survey scores on communication quality went from 3.2 to 4.6 out of 5. Reading rates for quarterly updates increased to 79%.
Phone calls to the firm dropped by thirty percent. Not because clients were unhappy, but because they weren't confused anymore. They understood the communications and didn't need clarification.
Referrals increased. Clients specifically mentioned clear communication as a differentiator when recommending the firm.
The writers hated the changes initially. They felt the new style was too casual, not sufficiently professional. After three months, they admitted the work was easier and clients responded better.
Financial writing doesn't have to be dense to be credible. Complexity for its own sake just makes you look like you're hiding something. Clear writing builds trust. Jargon destroys it.